Friday, April 16, 2010

It's NOT My Birthday. Really!

Two friends, who have never met independently decided to surprise me with gifts. One of them bought me an old teapot and brought it over. The pot is lovely. It's not an antique - just a lovely old china that has probably been used to serve tea for years, and will continue to do so in my own home.

The other friend brought me bolts of different fabric. No, I don't sew. I'm actually terrible at even mending things, but Baby's paternal grandma is a great seamstress and my friend reckons that she could make me a couple of really nice dresses and tops.

The gifts brightened my day considerably, especially as I've been very depressed since Baby left. They also made me realise that I must look very bad, if friends are beginning to feel compelled to bring gifts to cheer me up.

In terms of work-related issues, I was completely shocked when I read that Malawi plans to outlaw polygamy. I never thought that any one of the African leaders would get the guts to draw up a law that outlaws polygamy, as we Africans tend to defend the practice so passionately, as if it's the only cultural practice we have. But then, every so often life does suprise me. When I was at university, I was convinced that apartheid would not end during my lifetime, and Nelson Mandela would die in jail. Yet, he was released, and apartheid ended long before I even turned 30. Once again, I'm so glad to be proven wrong!

As for my productivity, I'm doing what I can and ignoring the bulk of the work that I know needs to be done:-(.

I'm probably ticking off a number of people, and if I could find it in my heart to care, I would. But i'm just numb. I was beginning to heal from the trauma in November when Baby left ( or so I thought) but having her come stay with me brought it all back again; now it feels like I pulled the scab off a wound that hadn't healed yet. And it's bleeding all over again. But, I don't regret that she came, and the time we spent together.

Moving on

Anyhoo, I've decided to make major changes in my life. I don't think it's healthy that I still try to live the life I used to, when I was mother to Baby. So change is definitely in order.

I considered selling the house and renting a flat for a while, mostly because my house was geared to being a home to raise a girl and it shows. I was even thinking of taking a friend up on an invitation to come stay indefinitely(outside Johannesburg). I work from home, so my work can be done anywhere. But I decided I like it here, in this house and my neighbourhood and the community; and the changes I make will have to work around my location.


po said...

Wow Damaria, so what do you think about polygamy. It's so hard to even debate it in my opinion, personally I would hate to be one of many wives,a ctually I don't want to be a wife at all, but many women defend the practice. We could argue brainwashing, but I really don't know. I guess in my semi-militant feminist world I would accept polygamy if there weren't such double standards around. If women could have multiple husbands, then maybe it would be alright.

I sure am glad Mandela got out of jail and Apartheid ended in your lifetime and mine!

Damaria Senne said...

I think polygamy works for those who benefit from it, and that can be for the man who wants to have legally be with the women he loves to various degrees, and for the women who get what they want out of the relationship. My problem with it personally is that nothing in life with free. Sure it works for you if you're the favourite wife; the one who gets most of the love and sex and passion, or the one he confides in. But someone always gets short-changed in such arrangements, and it infuriates me when people pretend that it's all equitable.
Secondly, the man's search for a new wife is fraught with risks (HIV infection). What's the difference between a man cheating on his wives by having sex with someone else and wife hunting? How many women does the husband sleep with before he finds a woman who can also become his wife?
Then there's the issue of property. If you have one cake, and you keep cutting it into smaller and smaller pieces, eventually, everyone gets just a small piece of cake. I believe that a man should protect his assets for his family, not keep adding more and more members to the family so that eventually, his first wife and children get much less.
Lastly, I think polygamy short-changes the children. Maybe it's because I was spoilt, being able to spend hours and hours with my father, telling him what i've been up to, my friends, school, what I was writing about....God, I never shut up when I was with him... but I doubt he would had had all that time to spend with me if he had another wife with more kids. As it is his time was spread out between me and my 4 siblings.
I guess that's a longer answer than you expected, po.

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