You know things are bad when the biggest milestone in your life is that you phoned/took calls from the people in your life. For the past week, the scariest thing for me was that I didn't care about anything. Not my life or job or even about friends. I just wanted my old life, with Baby, back. And if I couldn't have that, I would rather sleep or work in my garden (see images of container garden - pics 1-3- I added to my regular garden - pics 4 and 5)
Obviously that plan would not work in the long-term, unless I planned to wreck the rest of my life. So this morning I phoned a good friend and cried on her shoulder. After listening to me, she gave me her head doctor's number, and I have an appointment for mid-December. She also booked me for an all-expenses paid spa treatment for Friday.
Then I emailed /called all the people I've been ignoring. By mid-day, two meetings and numerous phone calls later, I knew I was going to be able to cope with the day. I don't know what tomorrow, or the rest of the week will bring, but I reckon, if I can keep putting one foot in front of another, eventually I begin to run at my old pace. God knows I don't plan to wallow; it only makes things worse.
Meanwhile, Baby is doing great. Her stepfather took today off and spent the day with her and last I chatted with them, they were at a mall. Brave man, taking an 11-year old fashion-mad girl shopping!
3 comments:
Damaria you are being so strong, I just can't imagine the grief you are going through. I think seeing a head doctor is an excellent idea. I hope it helps. I hope each day becomes a little easier for you.
It's no small thing to make contact with the world again when you're in a space where you're hurting so much. I'm glad you could talk things through with a friend. She sounds awesome.
Good post on what you can do for World AIDS Day.
And love your garden additions.
Strongs to you, Damaria. Sending hugs and prayers!
One thing I learned with grief and how to deal with it was not to plan a whole day. Just work on this hour, or 5 minutes, etc depending on what you feel strong enough to deal with at the time.
Making contact with the outside world is a VERY BIG step at this time. I'm glad you've got the support of good friends around you at this time.
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