I managed to speak to people today

You know things are bad when the biggest milestone in your life is that you phoned/took calls from the people in your life. For the past week, the scariest thing for me was that I didn't care about anything. Not my life or job or even about friends. I just wanted my old life, with Baby, back. And if I couldn't have that, I would rather sleep or work in my garden (see images of container garden - pics 1-3- I added to my regular garden - pics 4 and 5)

















Obviously that plan would not work in the long-term, unless I planned to wreck the rest of my life. So this morning I phoned a good friend and cried on her shoulder. After listening to me, she gave me her head doctor's number, and I have an appointment for mid-December. She also booked me for an all-expenses paid spa treatment for Friday.
















Then I emailed /called all the people I've been ignoring. By mid-day, two meetings and numerous phone calls later, I knew I was going to be able to cope with the day. I don't know what tomorrow, or the rest of the week will bring, but I reckon, if I can keep putting one foot in front of another, eventually I begin to run at my old pace. God knows I don't plan to wallow; it only makes things worse.
















Meanwhile, Baby is doing great. Her stepfather took today off and spent the day with her and last I chatted with them, they were at a mall. Brave man, taking an 11-year old fashion-mad girl shopping!

Major Life Change

Still not up to speaking to people, or blogging much. Except to say that the major life change I spoke about earlier in the month has happened. The short story is that, I no longer have custody of Baby. I've always been open about the fact that she was not my biological child? I've had her since she was 9 months old, and her mom gave her to me because she was unable to care for her at the time. The agreement was that I would give her back when she was able to be an able parent for her. And I loved her mother enough to agree.

Well, it's been 11 years and that time has come: Baby's mother has had a good job for some years now, is married to a lovely man and they have a good home to offer her. I also know that they love her dearly, and are now able to give a practical demonstration of that love. So, as from last week, she no longer lives with me. I took her to her mom's, and stayed a couple of days to make sure that she settles in. I do have visitation rights. Except, they live out of town, hundreds of kilometres from Johanneburg. So seeing her will not be a matter of driving a couple of blocks to another house.

And while I initiated the process, and I know in the long run what I'm doing is the best thing for her, it's still hard. I was not yet on an even keel because of my mother's illness, and this development makes things worse. Mostly, I don't care about much that is happening around me. I just want to lie down and sleep ( and don't tell me I'm acutely depressed! I know that!). But i'll be fine. I'm doing my best to patch myself up, because the life and work demands carry on regardles of how I feel. And I am determined to get my mojo back. Anyhoo, will be back in Johannesburg tomorrow to try to pick up the threads of my life.

Let’s Name Africa’s Best Books of the Decade - and SA’s Top Ten

Not up to full-scale blogging and giving you an update on what i've been up to. But to touch on the important bits: My mother is better, Baby is doing great and my mind is fried. Nuff said:-)

Lots of voting today

The Read SA campaign is compiling a list of Africa's Best Books Of The Decade - and South Africa' Top 10 Books of The Decade.

You can nominate your favourite books on our Facebook page. And please feel free to link ton the post, or to republish the news. The full article is on the Read SA micro site.

Also, on Wednesday, it’s the finale of Kwanda. In this special final show of the Kwanda series, the teams will come together and find out which team has won the Kwanda audience Prize. If you haven't voted for your favourite team yet, please take a moment to do so. Voting is by SMS.

Finally, I recently met a woman who is on a mission to encourage people to use condoms. She is very passionate about the subject, and quite frankly, makes the decision to use condoms look easy. She is also very easy to talk to, and I couldn't picture her being shy about buying condoms, negotiating with a partner about using it. In fact, she sounded like she could think of a 1000 words to make using condoms exciting. Which got me thinking about how many of us feel about condoms. Do we like them? See them as a necessary evil? Enjoy them? So I set up this poll on the OneLove web site.

Not So Routine Visit

My monthly routine trip to visit my mother turned not so routine when I arrived to find out that she was in bed, very sick. And communicative soul that she is, she had sworn my older siblings and her helper to secrecy, because she said she didn't want to worry me and I was coming over the weekend anyway, and would find out then.

The problem is that her sugar levels were sky high (13, instead of the average 4-8) and her blood pressure was 201/111. And she had a tooth infection, so doctors gave her antibiotics which made her nauseous. So he refused to eat. She is getting better though. I cooked my heart out, trying out various meals I hoped would tempt her. And I worked from her bed to keep her company. I knew things were looking up when she said griped: "please tell me that you're not still harvesting the pumpkin!" when I was a couple of minutes late giving her some mashed veges for lunch:-)

I am however very tired. I know it's not physical exhaustion, but emotional. It was hard, seeing how much weight she lost, being able to span leg at the knee with my hand without trouble. It was hard watching her sleep on the bed and look at nothing. I worried that she was tired of life and wanted to leave us. And it brought back memories of my father, wasting away from throat and stomach cancer, unable to swallow solid foods and trying out various soup recipes to give him as much nutritients as possible.

And it was hard having my siblings watch me expectantly, as if they expected me to fix the problem. Make her eat, they said. Tell us what to do to make her get well. And while I'm very good at getting my family to do what I want - somehow I ended up with the role of Cajoler and Chief Bully, even though I'm the middle child with three older and two younger siblings - I wanted someone else to take over and tell everyone what to do.

Anyhoo, I'm now trying to talk my mother into coming to stay with me for a couple of weeks, so I can watch her closely, make sure she stays on track. As usual, she is giving me a hard time ( where did you think my chief bully tendencies come from?). But she didn't say no, and with her, sometimes that's all I'll get. So I'll drag her to Joburg soon:-)

Meanwhile, I hope you're all well. I haven't had the chance to check out your blogs, and with my routine messed up like this, I'll probably only resume my normal work schedule next week.

Anyone attending the Kwanda Klothing Label Party? If you are, let me know.

And if you have two minutes, please take a poll which looks at how we feel about condoms. Are they a necsary evil? Part of the pleasure experience? Or maybe you hate them so much you don't use them?

Invitation to the launch of the Kwanda Klothing Brand Label and Fashion Show

Had an early start and a very good morning. Was inspired to write a feature article about gender stereotypes for the OneLove web site, based on some of the discussions I've hosted on Facebook.

The article, entitled 'Women Also Cheat On Their Partners" look at the stereotype that all men cheat and women don't cheat. And it also highlights the fact that many men who do not cheat on their partners remain silent when the issue comes up, and as a result their side of the story is never told.

I love the fact that the online discussions are making it easier for me to develop content for the sites. If I maintain this momentum, I'm never going to run out of things to say.

I also want to invite you to the label party and launch of the Kwanda Klothing brand, the urban streetwear collection developed as part of the Kwanda project. The event will take place on Wednesday 18 November, at the Sandton Convention Centre in Sandton, Johannesburg.

The fashion show begins at 20h00. Then we will officially kick off Kwanda Week, where we will have screening of the 12th episode of Kwanda, the TV series.

Participants can then begin voting for their favourite community. The winning community will be announced the following week.

So if you're based in Johannesburg and you're free that evening, join us. View the collection. Meet the designers and join in the Kwanda spirit as you vote for your favourite community.

Although the entrance is free, please RSVP to ZINGISA on: telephone: 082 883 3828 or email: zingisa@lattita.co.za

Going to spend a portion of the late afternoon gardening. Baby brought a friend home, so I'm going to give them pizza, DVDs, and then get some R and R.

A Productive Morning

Feeling a bit more energetic today. Started the day early, updating web sites and initiating discussions on forums. Reader responses to my question on whether you would want to know if your partner was cheating on you was very interesting, in that, most people on the forums where I posted the question, including FB, foscussed on the potential for disillusionment and pain. It was only later that Gaynor Paynter mentioned the fact that actually, none of us have the luxury of not wanting to know, because of HIV. If you don't know he/she is cheating, you won't think about using a condom, and heaven knows who else the other partner is seeing:-)

Also check out Richard de Nooy's profile on the Read SA micro site. Richard is rather funny, so please take a moment to enjoy him as he tells you about himself, and his book. As I said in my last post, the idea is to introduce you to South African authors you may not know, and their works. You might discover a new author to fall in love with.

I'm planning to spend the rest of the morning/day writing copy for a newsletter. And when I'm done, hopefully I'll still have some brain cells left over to write some fiction. Meanwhile, let me introduce you to Baby's rhyming poetry:-)

If a birdie in the sky
Makes a poopy in your eye
Don’t be sad, don’t cry
Just be glad that elephants don’t fly

...................................................................

There was once a spook
Who was hung on a hook
On a tree by the brook.
Cos he took the mayor’s wife’s doek
While she sat reading a book
And threw it in the brook
Cos he thought it was a hoot.

...........................................................

Ode To Seriously Bad Poetry

For the past couple of days, Baby has been reciting some very bad poetry for me. What she does is she latches on onto a word, and creates sentences around it. The one rule is that the sentences have to rhyme. And in case you're wondering, she knows it's bad. The worse it sounds, the better she likes it. She's even talking about uploading Dak Skroef as a ringtone on her cellphone, just so she can watch people's incredulous faces when they hear it. I have to admit she's right; the poetry is so bad it's fascinating.

On the work front, Louis Greenberg's profile is up on the Read SA web site. Louis recently edited a compilation of fabulous and fresh South African writing called Home Away. The collection is made up of 24 stories over 24 hours, and is called Home Away. It will be published by Zebra Press in April 2010. And I have a poll on the OneLove web site asking you if you'd want to know if your partner was cheating on you. That is, assuming, you have a fabulous relationship, and you don't know that he's getting extra helpings somewhere else.

On Being A Consistent Writer, Exams and Life Changes

Ja, I know I've been very quiet, somewhat erratic when it comes to talking about my writing life. I've posted before that I wished I was a more consistent writer, who delivers good writing on call, everyday. I definitely don't feel like one.

Even though I felt like I was stumbling along, I have been somewhat productive in the past couple of weeks. Have increased the number of posts on the OneLove web site to an average of four per day, and am initiating more discussions on the Facebook page. I'm also launching a monthly electronic newsletter for the project - the first issue goes out early December.

Kwanda has slowed down a little - the TV series is now down to final week for the last team. Next week viewers will be asked to vote for the team that they feel performed the best - that is, a team that met their goals, navigated their challenges wisely, raised more money and had greater social impact in their community. Voting will be done by SMS. If you're not sure which team to vote for, check out the episode summaries on the Kwanda web site. Or you can check out the discussions on the Facebook pages.

Creative Writing News

The Read SA social network on Facebook is going very well too. We now have about 568 members (at the time of blogging). We are also publishing profiles of South African authors, along with details of their books, on the READ SA micro site. To date, I have published profiles of:

• Megan Voisey-Braig, author of Till We Can Keep An Animal (Winner of the European Union literary award 2007/2008)
• Zukisa Wanner, author of The Madams (2006), Behind Every Successful Man (2008) and the upcoming (Men Of the South).

Also look out for profiles of Louis Greenberg, author of The Beggars' Signwriter (2006) and Richard de Nooy, author of Six Fang Marks and a Tetanus Shot. These two profiles are going live this week on the Read SA micro site. Bookmark the site and check them out later; you might discover a new to you writer, or fall in love with a book.

Life news

On the life front, Baby is in the middle of her Grade 5 exams, finishing on Friday. I'm more stressed about it than she is. She says she printed out her notes, studied them, researched where she needed to, and did the mock tests. She's confident she'll do well. But I can't help but worry. Not because I fear she'll fail, but because she's her own worst critic and if her end of year marks don't meet her expectations[winning the academic merit], or even one of her subjects is out of par, she won't take it well at all. So I try to prevent the situation from arising by making sure she's well prepared.

I know she needs to learn some balance, see the big picture and enjoy her accomplishments and not just things she needs to improve. It's something I've been trying to teach her since she was in pre-school. And something I don't talk about much with other mothers, because many of them complain that they have to push their kids to study, do well academically, and I just want mine to be better socialised and understand that the key to life is learning from your failures/mistakes.

Anyhoo, there is a big, somewhat traumatic life change coming on in my life. I initiated it, prepared for it since May this year. But that does not necessarily mean that emotionally, I welcome it wholeheartedly. Sorry for being cryptic - I'll explain at the end of November, when this change has happened.

Good Wishes For A Very Good Friend

One of my closest friends, Lynn, turns 61 today. So on Saturday morning I took her out to breakfast to celebrate this great milestone. As always, we had a lovely time.

Lynn and I have been close friends for almost 20 years now. And the wonderful thing about her is that she is a doer, not talker. For example, back in the days when I was unemployed and didn't have a freelance writing busines, Lynn didn't talk at me about how to look for jobs. She didn't give me empty platitudes disguised as words of encouragement.

Without my ever asking, she looked for jobs, part-time or fulltime, that looked remotely like something I could do and sent me adverts. She sent my CV to her friends and colleagues and asked them to help me look for work.

She found writing gigs for to help pay the bills. And she made all this seem so normal that she did not hurt my pride or make me feel like I should be grateful for her help. To her, this was what a friend does when the other is in need. Many thanks, Lynn, for being you and blessing me with your friendship.

Why Do I Feel I Have To Leave School To Learn About Life

Today I'm publishing a poem that I used on the OneLove web site to motivate why schools should make life skills education a priority. I thought you might also find the poem interesting.

......................................................................................................................................................
By Anonymous

You taught me the names of the cities of the world
but
I don’t know how to survive the streets in my own city

You taught me the minerals that are in the earth
but
I do not know what to do to prevent
my world’s destruction

You taught me how to speak and write in three languages
but
I do not know how how to say what I feel in my heart

You taught me all about reproduction in rats
but
I don’t know how to prevent pregnancy

You taught me how to solve math problems
but
I don’t know how to solve my own

Yes, you taught me many facts and thank you
I am quite clever now
but
Why is it I feel I know nothing?
Why do I feel I have to leave school to go and learn about coping with life?

Source: The poem was published in the Soul City Life Skills Grade 9, Teacher's Guide

Your Year

What has 2009 been like for you? Are you happy with what you have accomplished so far, your life experiences, and the relationships that you formed in the past year? Or are you ready to throw in the towel and start again in 2010?

My year was a good one. I strengthened relationships with friends, made new friends ( mostly online) and tried to socialise a little bit more. I'm more conscious of the need to nurture my relationship with my mother and sisters, who I had begun to take a little bit for granted.

Work has been plentiful and stable, despite the wobbly economy, and I am very optimistic about my propects for 2010.

Managed to get some major home renovation projects done, including extending a garden cottage to add another bedroom, and renovating an old garage into my home office. Also created a large vegetable garden.

I'm looking forward to 2010; not as an opportunity to start over, but as an opportunity to continue what I started.

What about you?

Sometimes Things Have To Go Wrong In Order For Them To Go Very Right

Yesterday a friend of mine phoned me in tears because her landlord gave her 48-hour notice to move out of her flat. And no, she doesn't have arrears on rent, and she didn't paint the interior of the flat a dark purple. But as I found out when I called the landlord, there's a clause in the lease agreement allowing either party to terminate the agreement with immediate effect.

So we got legal advice and the lawyer began the process of burying the landlord in paper work. And he adviced my friend to stay put, as she has already paid this month's rent and has nowhere else to go. They need a court order to evict my friend, he said.

Except, some acquaintances moved into a new house this past weekend, and they mentioned today that they would like to rent the garden cottage out. And the amount they want is slightly lower than what my friend was paying. And the cottage is bigger than the flat, and has an extra bedroom. And my friend will also have access to a nice garden and a pool. Strange how things work out, isn't?

This got me thinking about how sometimes things have to go wrong in order for them to go very right. And how, sometimes, going through this process is a very frightening thing. Because while things are going wrong, it's very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Or to appreciate the fact that they will go right again, and that maybe, the new status quo will be better than what you very satisfied with.

Weekend Update

Enterpreneur's day went well, and Baby was R12 short of breaking even. She's going to sell the rest of her stock on Monday, and I expect she will then make her profit.
Spent the rest of Saturday with old journalist friends. Dinner was delicious - roast potatoes and chicken, with rocket salad, strawberries and some goat cheese (mine was cheese-less).




For dessert, I had a fruit salad while everyone had a beautiful cheesecake one of my friends baked.



Then the adults killed a couple of bottles of wine, the kids watched DVDs and I drank enough soft drinks to start feeling like I'm floating. It was loads of fun, and just what the doctor ordered.

Spent Sunday clearing up the garden mess created by the rain late this week, and the dogs, which ate my kalancoes. A neighbour brought over a couple of seedlings, which I plan to transplant soon.


Was a lot more energetic today. Bought some white paint to spruce up my veranda, so it' ready for summer, updated sites and initiated new discussions, cut my hair very short again and finished a proposal I've been dragging my feet to finish.

Am feeling very optimistic about this week, and hope you alo have a good week.