2010 was not a very good year for me. I'd had to let Baby go at the end of 2009 and somehow I felt like I was bleeding internally all the time. After a while, I put plaster on the wound and decided to get on with things. But frankly, I had a hard time summoning much enthusiasm for anything, even things that I used to enjoy doing. And I think it showed, though most people who know me well didn't actually call me on it.
The months went by, and sometimes I looked at the big house and garden that was intended to be a family home, and was tempted to sell and move into a townhouse or something. I even considered changing cities or travelling with no particular destination in mind. Afterall, what was the point of having a home that can house a family of four and grandma in her own cottage, and have an outside office, for just one person? Eventually I decided this is home. I may still travel, but this place remains my base.
A number of work-related relationships also ended along the way. Some of it was good - I needed to try new things, move on in my new life. This resulted in my having greater flexibility and I no longer have to live in any one particular location to be able to service my client base. Some of it was no so good, especially when the relationships were previously lucrative and were my security blanket.
I learnt something though in 2010: if you do the best you can under less than ideal circumstances, and refuse to give up, eventually things will get better. It won't be miraculous. Chances are, there will be small daily improvements until one day you realise that actually, the big problem that you used to face no longer exists in its old form. And you'll realise that you're stronger and more resilient than you ever thought you were.
Anyhoo, I used to say I couldn't wait for 2010 to end, because it was the year I felt I should have stayed in bed. But I've changed my mind: 2010 was the year I grew in unexpected ways, and heralded new pathways in my life journey. And I plan to continue the learning well into 2011.
So how was 2010 for you? What was the best thing about this year? What was the worst that happened this year? What do you want from 2011?
P.S. Many thanks to all of you who have sent me posts for the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Violence blog party. It's wonderful that you're adding your voice to this global conversation.