I was looking for some parenting resources on the web and put in the keyword - Parenting SA, thinking that it would lead me to South African parenting sites.
Instead, it took me to a very useful Australian site which has a number of guides/e-booklets which give helpful hints on parenting matters. The guides are short, easy to read and free.
Storytelling made easy for parents
The guide that caught my attention spoke about the benefits of storytelling for children, and gave tips on how to narrate/read stories for your children more effectively. This aspect addressed parents who love to embellish stories, and those that would rather read, and tips are given for storytelling for different age groups.
The guide also gives suggestions on what issues to consider when selecting books for your children.
Other topics covered by the guides include:
Abuse to parents
Children biting
Children’s mental health
Children’s sexual behaviour
Eating disorders
Family break-up
Gambling
Home alone
If my child is gay or lesbian
Lies and fibs
More than reading and writing
Nightmares
Optimism
Pocket money
Protect your child from pedophiles
Right from the start
Sibling rivalry
The Internet
What about parents' rights?
To download a free guide that you need right now, visit Parent SA
Monday, July 24, 2006
Sunday, July 23, 2006
City life, village life
It’s two weeks before Baby’s August holidays, and she is impatiently counting every minute. They close on the 4 August and open on the 5 September.
The plan is that Baby spends part of the holiday visiting my family at the village of Phokeng, where I come from. The arrangement is not unusual - for many Black South African kids, juggling life in the city and the village is an accepted way of life.
During the school term, Black city kids live with their working parents or relatives, going to school and enjoying a western-sort of life where watching DVD’s, playing video/computer games and hang out at the mall is the norm.
During school vacations, they go to the village of their parents’ origin to visit their grandparents, uncles and aunts. There, they are confronted with an entirely different way of living, where the hierarchy between older and younger children is pronounced, the native language is used and restaurants don’t deliver fast food.
Village-bound kids also look forward to the school holidays, as they present the girls with the opportunity to visit their city-based relatives.
Advantages
As a mother of an 8 year old girl, and a former rural girl who looked forward to city holidays, here are some of the reasons I maintain the practice
• The visit helps my daughter get in touch with our roots in the village.
• The visit gives her the chance to get in touch with her culture and language
• It’s fun
• It’s a source of pride to have roots among other city kids.
Disadvantages
1. There is a bigger gap between parents and kids
A rural girl is bound my more tradition and norms than a city girl. So when they get to the village, they may find that things they are used to doing, even the way they are allowed to speak to adults is different. In rural areas, traditionally men socialise with other men, women with other women and girls with other girls their age. So a child who is used to engaging her parents in conversation may find dealing with the distinct groupings hard.
2. Adapting to different norms
The child has to learn to be a chameleon and adapt to new ways of interaction. For example, in Western culture usually practices in cities, when you enter someone else’s home, you wait to be invited to sit down. Among many African cultures, it’s rude to remain standing in someone else’s home, so as soon as you enter the living room /kitchen, you must sit down. Also, giving people a direct look, which in Western culture depicts honesty is just plain rude among Black South African people. And always, always greet a person who is older than yourself when you meet them in the village street.
3. Life could be boring if you are not creative with your entertainment
The village has fewer extra curricular resources than the city.
The plan is that Baby spends part of the holiday visiting my family at the village of Phokeng, where I come from. The arrangement is not unusual - for many Black South African kids, juggling life in the city and the village is an accepted way of life.
During the school term, Black city kids live with their working parents or relatives, going to school and enjoying a western-sort of life where watching DVD’s, playing video/computer games and hang out at the mall is the norm.
During school vacations, they go to the village of their parents’ origin to visit their grandparents, uncles and aunts. There, they are confronted with an entirely different way of living, where the hierarchy between older and younger children is pronounced, the native language is used and restaurants don’t deliver fast food.
Village-bound kids also look forward to the school holidays, as they present the girls with the opportunity to visit their city-based relatives.
Advantages
As a mother of an 8 year old girl, and a former rural girl who looked forward to city holidays, here are some of the reasons I maintain the practice
• The visit helps my daughter get in touch with our roots in the village.
• The visit gives her the chance to get in touch with her culture and language
• It’s fun
• It’s a source of pride to have roots among other city kids.
Disadvantages
1. There is a bigger gap between parents and kids
A rural girl is bound my more tradition and norms than a city girl. So when they get to the village, they may find that things they are used to doing, even the way they are allowed to speak to adults is different. In rural areas, traditionally men socialise with other men, women with other women and girls with other girls their age. So a child who is used to engaging her parents in conversation may find dealing with the distinct groupings hard.
2. Adapting to different norms
The child has to learn to be a chameleon and adapt to new ways of interaction. For example, in Western culture usually practices in cities, when you enter someone else’s home, you wait to be invited to sit down. Among many African cultures, it’s rude to remain standing in someone else’s home, so as soon as you enter the living room /kitchen, you must sit down. Also, giving people a direct look, which in Western culture depicts honesty is just plain rude among Black South African people. And always, always greet a person who is older than yourself when you meet them in the village street.
3. Life could be boring if you are not creative with your entertainment
The village has fewer extra curricular resources than the city.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Burping, farting and vomiting are effective cures for hiccups
Burping, farting, smelling the fumes of a candle or immersing your face in ice water are effective cures for hiccups. If that doesn’t work, ask someone to strangle you or jump out of a plane.
That is what I learnt when Baby had a bad case of hiccups, and she wouldn’t drink the sugared water I suggested.
“I would rather you scared the hiccups away,” she suggested.
Ever tried to scare a little girl who watches too much Cartoon Network? It’s blooming hard work, especially when the subject keeps saying of your most innovative efforts, “that’s not scary! Try something else.”
I was just about to give up on that useless exercise when she said: “Strangle me then.”
Apparently Anna (not her real name), Baby's friend from school, says getting strangled is an effective cure for hiccups.
I’m sure that’s true. Dead girls don’t have to worry about hiccups.
So I decided to do an Internet research to find effective cures that did not involve killing my only child. There hadto be another option besides attempted homicide.
There were a number of medical information sites ( that had practical advise too), but the collection of hiccup cures that caught my imagination was on a site for music animations (http://www.musanim.com/mam/hiccup.htm)
The owner says he’s trying the cures listed at least once. Cures that fail his test at least once are marked off, he says.
The cures include:
1. Make yourself vomit.
2. Talk non-stop for ten seconds.
3. Scream for as long as you can.
4. Put a spoon in a glass of water; drink the water with the handle of the spoon resting on your forehead.
5. Put a knife in a glass (one made of glass) half full of water; drink all the water leaving the knife in place.
6. Don't swallow ( not related to cures above).
7. Hold your left ear with your right hand and your right ear with your left hand and pinch the lobes slightly, have a friend hold a glass of water to your mouth and drink it. (At this stage, strangling sounds like one of the easier option)
8. Jump out of a plane.
There are however some remedies the site owner says are ineffective, or involve risk of injury or death:
1. Don’t smoke a cigarette.
2. Don't ask someone to point a gun at you.
3. Don't ask someone deliver a swift punch to your stomach.
Right! And it’s okay to jump out of a plane instead?
So what’s the link to African tales?
African folktales and legends are rich with superstitions and belief systems that challenge the realistic view to life.
One of my objectives is to explore some of these beliefs in my modern tales. I would like to bring a new twist to the superstitions, or simply create modern characters with a solid grasp of modern belief systems also treat these superstitions as real.
My children's story, 10 days to make rain fit this objective really well.
Update on writing projects (10 days to make rain)
I’ve completed the additional research I needed to be able to continue with the story, so I'll start writing soon.
My original plan was to work on it in August, so I'm right on schedule.
My online writing group was very helpful with suggestions of how I could get out a corner. The basic plot is, my main character has to make rain in 10 days or lose crown, and the traditional way is to kill a pre-pubescent girl.
Main character is modern and believes in the laws that govern us now, so murder is not an option. My challenge was to help her find a way to make rain and so far I have six options.
Now all I need is time.
That is what I learnt when Baby had a bad case of hiccups, and she wouldn’t drink the sugared water I suggested.
“I would rather you scared the hiccups away,” she suggested.
Ever tried to scare a little girl who watches too much Cartoon Network? It’s blooming hard work, especially when the subject keeps saying of your most innovative efforts, “that’s not scary! Try something else.”
I was just about to give up on that useless exercise when she said: “Strangle me then.”
Apparently Anna (not her real name), Baby's friend from school, says getting strangled is an effective cure for hiccups.
I’m sure that’s true. Dead girls don’t have to worry about hiccups.
So I decided to do an Internet research to find effective cures that did not involve killing my only child. There hadto be another option besides attempted homicide.
There were a number of medical information sites ( that had practical advise too), but the collection of hiccup cures that caught my imagination was on a site for music animations (http://www.musanim.com/mam/hiccup.htm)
The owner says he’s trying the cures listed at least once. Cures that fail his test at least once are marked off, he says.
The cures include:
1. Make yourself vomit.
2. Talk non-stop for ten seconds.
3. Scream for as long as you can.
4. Put a spoon in a glass of water; drink the water with the handle of the spoon resting on your forehead.
5. Put a knife in a glass (one made of glass) half full of water; drink all the water leaving the knife in place.
6. Don't swallow ( not related to cures above).
7. Hold your left ear with your right hand and your right ear with your left hand and pinch the lobes slightly, have a friend hold a glass of water to your mouth and drink it. (At this stage, strangling sounds like one of the easier option)
8. Jump out of a plane.
There are however some remedies the site owner says are ineffective, or involve risk of injury or death:
1. Don’t smoke a cigarette.
2. Don't ask someone to point a gun at you.
3. Don't ask someone deliver a swift punch to your stomach.
Right! And it’s okay to jump out of a plane instead?
So what’s the link to African tales?
African folktales and legends are rich with superstitions and belief systems that challenge the realistic view to life.
One of my objectives is to explore some of these beliefs in my modern tales. I would like to bring a new twist to the superstitions, or simply create modern characters with a solid grasp of modern belief systems also treat these superstitions as real.
My children's story, 10 days to make rain fit this objective really well.
Update on writing projects (10 days to make rain)
I’ve completed the additional research I needed to be able to continue with the story, so I'll start writing soon.
My original plan was to work on it in August, so I'm right on schedule.
My online writing group was very helpful with suggestions of how I could get out a corner. The basic plot is, my main character has to make rain in 10 days or lose crown, and the traditional way is to kill a pre-pubescent girl.
Main character is modern and believes in the laws that govern us now, so murder is not an option. My challenge was to help her find a way to make rain and so far I have six options.
Now all I need is time.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Eco-Access needs 1000 Good Samaritans
Eco-Access, a South African non-profit organisation that champions the right of disabled people to access to nature, is on a fundraising drive.
“We desperately need a bakkie [van]. But we don't have R150 000 to buy one!” the organization says on its web site
To raise the funds, the organization is asking for a thousand R150 (approx. $25) donations.
You can quickly make a donation by credit card or internet banking here.
If you can’t afford to give R150, the organisation welcomes any donation amount they can get.
Photo sourced from Eco-Access
Visually disabled kids climb Table Mountain.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Some bedtime reading
If you are looking online for some bedtime reading for your child, why not check out the Children’s books online at http://www.childrensbooksonline.org
They say it is the largest collection of illustrated antique books online. The library was created by the Rosetta Project.
The only caveat is that the stories are predominantly Western. Makes sense, doesn’t it, considering that a lot of books available to us, including old fairytales, were published in Western Europe and North America.
For local flavour, Struik Publishers has a nice collection of books that are available for purchasing online (http://www.struik.co.za/book.author.action?id=3185)
I know a number of local publishers also have online shops, so in due course I’ll post their links too.
Enjoy!
They say it is the largest collection of illustrated antique books online. The library was created by the Rosetta Project.
The only caveat is that the stories are predominantly Western. Makes sense, doesn’t it, considering that a lot of books available to us, including old fairytales, were published in Western Europe and North America.
For local flavour, Struik Publishers has a nice collection of books that are available for purchasing online (http://www.struik.co.za/book.author.action?id=3185)
I know a number of local publishers also have online shops, so in due course I’ll post their links too.
Enjoy!
Saturday, July 15, 2006
What's life like in your country?
Various media on the Internet report that a Spanish-language children's book titled A Visit to Cuba has been removed from elementary school libraries by the Miami-Dade School Board in the US.
The board said the book is misleading because it portrays a happy lifestyle in Cuba. Some of the Cuban-American parents feel that after what they went through to leave the island, their children should be showed how difficult life can be there.
However, there are those who argue that the ban is unconstitutional, citing the First Amendment Act, which guarantees Americans freedom of speech.
What do you think?
www.child.com is running a poll asking people what they think. Like 12% of the respondents, I’m not sure what to think.
My challenge is that the issue is tackled from assumption that life in Cuba is extremely challenging. Frankly, I don’t know if the problems are unusually difficult, or if they are being exaggerated by the Americans and the Cuban-Americans.
The SA government is allies with the Cuban government, and the information that they communicate is that Cuba is doing well and SA could do well to learn from some of their initiatives.
Assuming that the Miami-Dade school board is right and life in Cuba is difficult, and let’s stretch it even say that the book was designed as a propaganda mechanism: does the school board have the right to remove a book that conflicts with their version of reality? Is that not in violation of the American’s First Amendment Act?
As at 15 July, 26% of respondents at www.child.com said they agree with the school board - the challenges of life under Communist rule should not be glossed over. 61% said removing the book violates the First Amendment.
Different truths
The issue has also made me consider the implications of the issue on writers in troubled countries.
As a South African writer, living contentedly here after apartheid, which vision of our country should I tell children?
Do I portray the version of reality that I and my children experience, where kids in my neighbourhood roller-blade up and down the street and walk to school and to the shops?
Do I tell the reality of a South African family now based in Canada having emigrated because the crime rate is high and this place is not safe for their children? Do I tell the story of the thousands of South African children who are raped and abused every year?
As a writer, I think all versions of reality should be heard. A story of ordinary South African life, where the greatest event is a trip to the circus, is no less valid than a story of a child who has been abused.
The latter may raise our awareness of the problems our society faces, and it may even make a better read, but it does not mean it is the only version that should be told.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Being Happy Sindane
When I was a young girl, I used to fantasize that my parents were not my biological parents. They were taking care of me until my real parents came for me.
It was a wonderful fantasy to have, especially when I was angry with them, or tired of being poor or just bored with my mundane life in the village.
My real parents were rich and lived exciting lives. I never could work out why they could not take care of me, but I was sure they loved me and would raising me themselves if it was possile.
But deep down, I knew that it was all fantasy designed to temporarily make my world better. I was born of my parents and no one was coming to rescue me.
I knew this because I was a deeply loved child and my parents sacrificed a lot for my benefit and I knew it.
Also, I look remarkably like my siblings, both male and female.
A good friend once asked me after seeing one of my siblings at a supermarket:
“Do you do cloning in your family?"
I was not there to introduce them, but there was no doubt in her mind who it was when they met.
This resemblence was sometimes frustrating, because in it’s difficult to carve a distinct identity when you’re wearing someone else’s face.
Your face may be older/younger/broader/thinner/male/female, but essentially, it’s the same face. And people who knew my older brother well sometimes didn't bother to catch my name. Why bother when I could easily be called little (my brother's name)?
I know my younger brother and sister also faced the same problem. To this day, I think asking my sister and I: "are you two sisters" is the most pointless thing anyone can say to us.
What logical reason could there be for the two of us to wear similar faces when we're clearly not the same age, and I'm not old enough to be her mother?
There are advantages though to resembling other people so cloesely: I knew who I was and where I belonged and I was secure of my place in the family and the village.
When hope dies
So I can’t help but feel sorry for Happy Sindane, the 19-year boy who years ago alleged that he had been kidnapped when he was a baby.
I think when the story first broke in the media few people, if any, doubted that he was White and had likely been kidnapped. How else could he account for looking White and yet growing up in an African village?
The only question was where his real parents were and how soon the media coverage would drag them out of the woodwork.
It would have been a wonderful fairytale, with the parents happy to get their son back and Happy restored to the life he believed should have been his.
However, DNA tests however proved that the woman she thought kidnapped him was his biological mother. She had since passed away. His German father never came forward to claim him.
I guess that’s when the hope that he was living the wrong life, that someone would come to rescue him, died.
Since then, Happy has had a lot of misfortune, and recently, the media reported that he may be suffering from mental illness.
To read the story, go to http://www.sowetan.co.za/szones/sowetanNEW/news/news1152248680.asp
Someone should publish Happy's biography
The poor boy will never get his fairytale ending, because at 22, he is no longer anyone's legal responsibility, his education was incomplete, he has no work experience that can help improve his life and now it seems his brain was somewhat damaged.
And the media doesn't let up on him. I wonder why a publisher doesn't commission his biography? If Happy was educated and aware of what gets published, I'm sure he would be blogging/ looking for a book contract by now.
His story is interesting and could sell internationally, and the people responsible for taking care of him could sure use the money. Then at least, he would benefit from the rough deal life dealt him.
It was a wonderful fantasy to have, especially when I was angry with them, or tired of being poor or just bored with my mundane life in the village.
My real parents were rich and lived exciting lives. I never could work out why they could not take care of me, but I was sure they loved me and would raising me themselves if it was possile.
But deep down, I knew that it was all fantasy designed to temporarily make my world better. I was born of my parents and no one was coming to rescue me.
I knew this because I was a deeply loved child and my parents sacrificed a lot for my benefit and I knew it.
Also, I look remarkably like my siblings, both male and female.
A good friend once asked me after seeing one of my siblings at a supermarket:
“Do you do cloning in your family?"
I was not there to introduce them, but there was no doubt in her mind who it was when they met.
This resemblence was sometimes frustrating, because in it’s difficult to carve a distinct identity when you’re wearing someone else’s face.
Your face may be older/younger/broader/thinner/male/female, but essentially, it’s the same face. And people who knew my older brother well sometimes didn't bother to catch my name. Why bother when I could easily be called little (my brother's name)?
I know my younger brother and sister also faced the same problem. To this day, I think asking my sister and I: "are you two sisters" is the most pointless thing anyone can say to us.
What logical reason could there be for the two of us to wear similar faces when we're clearly not the same age, and I'm not old enough to be her mother?
There are advantages though to resembling other people so cloesely: I knew who I was and where I belonged and I was secure of my place in the family and the village.
When hope dies
So I can’t help but feel sorry for Happy Sindane, the 19-year boy who years ago alleged that he had been kidnapped when he was a baby.
I think when the story first broke in the media few people, if any, doubted that he was White and had likely been kidnapped. How else could he account for looking White and yet growing up in an African village?
The only question was where his real parents were and how soon the media coverage would drag them out of the woodwork.
It would have been a wonderful fairytale, with the parents happy to get their son back and Happy restored to the life he believed should have been his.
However, DNA tests however proved that the woman she thought kidnapped him was his biological mother. She had since passed away. His German father never came forward to claim him.
I guess that’s when the hope that he was living the wrong life, that someone would come to rescue him, died.
Since then, Happy has had a lot of misfortune, and recently, the media reported that he may be suffering from mental illness.
To read the story, go to http://www.sowetan.co.za/szones/sowetanNEW/news/news1152248680.asp
Someone should publish Happy's biography
The poor boy will never get his fairytale ending, because at 22, he is no longer anyone's legal responsibility, his education was incomplete, he has no work experience that can help improve his life and now it seems his brain was somewhat damaged.
And the media doesn't let up on him. I wonder why a publisher doesn't commission his biography? If Happy was educated and aware of what gets published, I'm sure he would be blogging/ looking for a book contract by now.
His story is interesting and could sell internationally, and the people responsible for taking care of him could sure use the money. Then at least, he would benefit from the rough deal life dealt him.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Some childhood songs
I was reminded of Baby’s infant years at the baby shower on Saturday. We sang a few childhood songs for fun – when we got tired of torturing the almost new mother.
One song resonated with me quite a bit. I first learnt the song at school primary school while we were learning about our bodies.
Batswana mothers also sing the song to put their babies to sleep, and I was no different when Baby was small.
I don’t know how many times a day I sang that song–when she was upset, I sang it over and over until she calmed down and fell asleep.
I think there is an English version, but right now I can’t remember it The goes thus:
Child: Dear grandfather, where are you from today
Grandfather: I come from the hospital at the top of the hill
Child: And what is wrong with you?
Grandfather, (indicating the mentioned body part):
My head, my shoulders, my chest and my waist
My knees and my toes x2
Child: What is wrong with you?
Grandfather, (indicating the mentioned body part):
My head, my shoulders, my chest and my waist
My knees and my toes x2
Another song that I sang many times for Baby to calm her down or put her to sleep was the Setswana version of Three Blind Mice.
Three mice x2
That were blind X2
An old white woman
Chased them in her garden
Cut their tales
With a large knife
Three mice x2
That were blind X2
It is not an accurate reflection of the original nursery rhyme, but it’s close. The original says:
Three blind mice, three blind mice,
See how they run, see how they run,
They all ran after the farmer's wife,
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife,
Did you ever see such a thing in your life,
As three blind mice?
I’ve always wondered why Batswana substituted the farmer’s wife for an old white woman.
One song resonated with me quite a bit. I first learnt the song at school primary school while we were learning about our bodies.
Batswana mothers also sing the song to put their babies to sleep, and I was no different when Baby was small.
I don’t know how many times a day I sang that song–when she was upset, I sang it over and over until she calmed down and fell asleep.
I think there is an English version, but right now I can’t remember it The goes thus:
Child: Dear grandfather, where are you from today
Grandfather: I come from the hospital at the top of the hill
Child: And what is wrong with you?
Grandfather, (indicating the mentioned body part):
My head, my shoulders, my chest and my waist
My knees and my toes x2
Child: What is wrong with you?
Grandfather, (indicating the mentioned body part):
My head, my shoulders, my chest and my waist
My knees and my toes x2
Another song that I sang many times for Baby to calm her down or put her to sleep was the Setswana version of Three Blind Mice.
Three mice x2
That were blind X2
An old white woman
Chased them in her garden
Cut their tales
With a large knife
Three mice x2
That were blind X2
It is not an accurate reflection of the original nursery rhyme, but it’s close. The original says:
Three blind mice, three blind mice,
See how they run, see how they run,
They all ran after the farmer's wife,
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife,
Did you ever see such a thing in your life,
As three blind mice?
I’ve always wondered why Batswana substituted the farmer’s wife for an old white woman.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Teen Motherhood
The plan to get my journalist friend to watch the kids on Saturday while I attended a baby shower didn’t work out, so I called on a baby-sitter.
She’s 16, goes to the local high school and is a mother to 9 month old baby. It boggles my mind how she manages to take care of her own child, she’s so young. I also wonder if I would have coped as well she is, if I'd fallen pregnant that young.
Until I got custody of Baby when she was almost a year old, I swore that I was not ready for motherhood. I didn't hear clock ticking, no deep seated urge to procreate.
It seriously disturbed friends and family, who thought it was time I started thinking along those lines.
I saw motherhood as a demanding occupation requiring a sense of responsibility that I was sure didn’t have.
Friends didn't ask me to babysit their kids - too terrified of what I would do to them/feed them or something.
I still struggle with that paradox of motherhood – confident that I am doing the best I can, and yet appreciating that I will continue to learn and grow and it’s okay to worry sometimes.
World Population Day
I suppose the issue very relevant today, as it's World population day, a day that focuses on people under 25, reproductive issues, and health.
The day is sponsored by the United Nations World Population Fund (UNFPA), which seeks to provide education and awareness to reproductive health, reproductive choice, family planning, and to provide a better future for young people.
News Update
The publisher my agent submitted A fair contest to rejected the story.
But I'm not too worried. I know it time we'll find the right home for that story.
She’s 16, goes to the local high school and is a mother to 9 month old baby. It boggles my mind how she manages to take care of her own child, she’s so young. I also wonder if I would have coped as well she is, if I'd fallen pregnant that young.
Until I got custody of Baby when she was almost a year old, I swore that I was not ready for motherhood. I didn't hear clock ticking, no deep seated urge to procreate.
It seriously disturbed friends and family, who thought it was time I started thinking along those lines.
I saw motherhood as a demanding occupation requiring a sense of responsibility that I was sure didn’t have.
Friends didn't ask me to babysit their kids - too terrified of what I would do to them/feed them or something.
I still struggle with that paradox of motherhood – confident that I am doing the best I can, and yet appreciating that I will continue to learn and grow and it’s okay to worry sometimes.
World Population Day
I suppose the issue very relevant today, as it's World population day, a day that focuses on people under 25, reproductive issues, and health.
The day is sponsored by the United Nations World Population Fund (UNFPA), which seeks to provide education and awareness to reproductive health, reproductive choice, family planning, and to provide a better future for young people.
News Update
The publisher my agent submitted A fair contest to rejected the story.
But I'm not too worried. I know it time we'll find the right home for that story.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Free stuff that’s not so free
I’ve been looking for a way to make some stories available online (as was previously planned), by maybe putting them up on a free web site and linking to the blog. Suggestions are welcome, of course, if there is an easier way to do it that doesn't require technical expertise.
So last night I trawled on the Internet looking for offers of a free web site, and chose www.maxpages.com
God knows what I was thinking –I should have looked stuff from well-known places such as Geocities etc, but their brief offered a number of interesting features, and they said I could set up quickly. I was not disappointed.
I spent an hour getting used to the site, then quickly chose my parameters, renamed categories of content, drafted some text for the introductory pages, linked the site to my blog, even initiated an editorial calendar.
The major problem was the banner advertisement- it didn’t have anything to do with writing or parenting. In fact, it was sex orientated.
But I was not concerned much: I thought all I’d have to do is find a subject-appropriate advertisement to replace the one I was saddled with, upload the stories I want to make available and I’d be set. From then onwards I would only deal with the site when I have a story to upload.
The site suggested that I publish my site in order to get rid of the advert. I clicked on that link, and that’s when they quoted me a fee to publish. Excuse me for being ignorant, but I thought the offer was for a free web site?
I don’t usually expect things for free, even on the net, because I know that the people run a business and have to make money one way or another. But I wish they made it clear right from the beginning that if I published the web site, I would have to pay. What’s the point of having a web site if it’s not published?
So last night I trawled on the Internet looking for offers of a free web site, and chose www.maxpages.com
God knows what I was thinking –I should have looked stuff from well-known places such as Geocities etc, but their brief offered a number of interesting features, and they said I could set up quickly. I was not disappointed.
I spent an hour getting used to the site, then quickly chose my parameters, renamed categories of content, drafted some text for the introductory pages, linked the site to my blog, even initiated an editorial calendar.
The major problem was the banner advertisement- it didn’t have anything to do with writing or parenting. In fact, it was sex orientated.
But I was not concerned much: I thought all I’d have to do is find a subject-appropriate advertisement to replace the one I was saddled with, upload the stories I want to make available and I’d be set. From then onwards I would only deal with the site when I have a story to upload.
The site suggested that I publish my site in order to get rid of the advert. I clicked on that link, and that’s when they quoted me a fee to publish. Excuse me for being ignorant, but I thought the offer was for a free web site?
I don’t usually expect things for free, even on the net, because I know that the people run a business and have to make money one way or another. But I wish they made it clear right from the beginning that if I published the web site, I would have to pay. What’s the point of having a web site if it’s not published?
Friday, July 07, 2006
Juggling motherhood and friendship with non-parents
One of the disadvantages of being a single mother in a city, with few of my family members living nearby, is that going out with friends is a job that requires advance planning and a good Samaritan.
Tomorrow a good friend of mine is having a baby shower. I know she would be very hurt if I did not attend this very important event.
The lady and I used to be very close when we were at university and at the beginning of our careers. We even shared flats and houses for a couple of years.
Then I had Baby, our careers became demanding, I bought a house across town from her home, she married and we drifted apart. I suspect it was my fault – I got absorbed with the journalism/parenting/ creative writing life and didn’t leave much time for anything else.
The biggest change is in the way we socialize, I think. We used to do the coffee shop/ nice restaurant/shopping social thing that unencumbered, successful women living in a city like to do.
Then I became a mother and changed the rules on her. Some of my income was reassigned for buying clothes for Baby in an attempt to keep up with her growth spurts, a private school education, toys and the day to day expenses associated with raising a child.
The result is that choice of eating places also changed – the places I frequent socially are now cheap and child-friendly.
The stress of trying to find baby-sitter and paying for her in addition to my restaurant bill also made the whole situation difficult.
Eventually trying to socialize with her just got too hard and I began cultivating closer relationships with other (grand)mother/writers who live in my suburb and who’ll eat at a cheap place and we can bring the kids/grandkids.
I care about my friend who is having a baby shower. We just happen to have different priorities at the moment.
So I’m going to phone one of the writer/mothers to find out if she can take care of Baby for the afternoon.
I’m not entirely comfortable with the plan. She’s a freelance environmental journalist and we regularly exchange kids, so one of us can have a free afternoon/ or when we are on tight deadlines. But she had the kids two weeks ago and in principle it’s my turn.
But she’s flexible, and she has never played the “it’s your turn” game. So she’s likely to agree to take Baby for the afternoon, unless she has plans too.
I wonder if my relationship with my friend (who is having a baby shower) will revert back to what it was when she has a child?
Will she have a greater understanding of the challenges I face as a mother trying to juggle friendships with parenthood? Did I underestimate her, and she understands more than I gave her credit for?
I expect I will learn a thing or two from her on how to juggle motherhood with friends. It should be an interesting experience.
Tomorrow a good friend of mine is having a baby shower. I know she would be very hurt if I did not attend this very important event.
The lady and I used to be very close when we were at university and at the beginning of our careers. We even shared flats and houses for a couple of years.
Then I had Baby, our careers became demanding, I bought a house across town from her home, she married and we drifted apart. I suspect it was my fault – I got absorbed with the journalism/parenting/ creative writing life and didn’t leave much time for anything else.
The biggest change is in the way we socialize, I think. We used to do the coffee shop/ nice restaurant/shopping social thing that unencumbered, successful women living in a city like to do.
Then I became a mother and changed the rules on her. Some of my income was reassigned for buying clothes for Baby in an attempt to keep up with her growth spurts, a private school education, toys and the day to day expenses associated with raising a child.
The result is that choice of eating places also changed – the places I frequent socially are now cheap and child-friendly.
The stress of trying to find baby-sitter and paying for her in addition to my restaurant bill also made the whole situation difficult.
Eventually trying to socialize with her just got too hard and I began cultivating closer relationships with other (grand)mother/writers who live in my suburb and who’ll eat at a cheap place and we can bring the kids/grandkids.
I care about my friend who is having a baby shower. We just happen to have different priorities at the moment.
So I’m going to phone one of the writer/mothers to find out if she can take care of Baby for the afternoon.
I’m not entirely comfortable with the plan. She’s a freelance environmental journalist and we regularly exchange kids, so one of us can have a free afternoon/ or when we are on tight deadlines. But she had the kids two weeks ago and in principle it’s my turn.
But she’s flexible, and she has never played the “it’s your turn” game. So she’s likely to agree to take Baby for the afternoon, unless she has plans too.
I wonder if my relationship with my friend (who is having a baby shower) will revert back to what it was when she has a child?
Will she have a greater understanding of the challenges I face as a mother trying to juggle friendships with parenthood? Did I underestimate her, and she understands more than I gave her credit for?
I expect I will learn a thing or two from her on how to juggle motherhood with friends. It should be an interesting experience.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Time to slow down a little
I’m spending too much time working, putting a full day at work, then spending most evenings working on my children’s stories.
It’s not good for me or the family. Lately I’ve been tiring more easily (CP bout didn’t help) but I also feel like I’m burning the candle at both ends.
The clincher that something needs to change was Baby’s complaint last night: “You spend more time working on your laptop than you do with me.”
P.S I asked for suggestions on how to proceed with 10 Days to Make Rain, and my writing group had a number of great suggestions. I’ll have something good to work with in August, and I’m really looking forward to working on the project.
It’s not good for me or the family. Lately I’ve been tiring more easily (CP bout didn’t help) but I also feel like I’m burning the candle at both ends.
The clincher that something needs to change was Baby’s complaint last night: “You spend more time working on your laptop than you do with me.”
P.S I asked for suggestions on how to proceed with 10 Days to Make Rain, and my writing group had a number of great suggestions. I’ll have something good to work with in August, and I’m really looking forward to working on the project.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
When I grow up, I want to be a banker
“When I grow up, I’m going to be a banker,” Baby announced recently.
I must have looked as shocked as I felt. She wanted to be a banker? Not a painter, ballet dancer or entertainer, as little girls are wont to? Not a noble career such a doctor, or an aid worker or a teacher? Instead, my angel wanted to be a banker??????
“What’s the matter?” she asked. “You did say I could be anything I liked when I grow up, didn’t you?”
Gulp!
“Yes, I did.”
The refrain going through my mind was: I have nothing against your becoming a banker. Really I don’t. But aren’t you a tad young to be making practical career choices like that?
‘Then it’s okay that I go to school to become one of those people who count things … what did you call them?”
“Accountants.”
“Yes, them! I’ll become an accountant and maybe work for (name of the big SA bank),” she said.
“Of course it’s okay. As long as you are happy with your career choice and you make enoug money to live comfortably, I will be satisfied. Anyway, I hear (name of bank) pay very well. And they have a good pension plan, so everything should work out well for you.”
She was silent for a few minutes, thinking over my words.
“What is a pension plan?” she asked.
I don’t know what Baby will eventually do when she grows up. Maybe she will be banker, an artist, a doctor, lawyer, or a company CEO. It doesn’t really matter, as long as she’s satisfied with her choices.
My job as a parent is to provide her with as much information about possible career choices as possible.
I realised I have biases regarding what little girls like or dream of becoming.
Revised game plan for mom: provide exposure to as many career options as possible,so she can make informed career choices. Don’t assume you know what will interest her / not. No career too practical, technical or far-fetched. Let her rule out possibilities.
Who knows, she might find out that her passion lies in being a banker anyway. Wouldn’t that just boggle my mind!
I must have looked as shocked as I felt. She wanted to be a banker? Not a painter, ballet dancer or entertainer, as little girls are wont to? Not a noble career such a doctor, or an aid worker or a teacher? Instead, my angel wanted to be a banker??????
“What’s the matter?” she asked. “You did say I could be anything I liked when I grow up, didn’t you?”
Gulp!
“Yes, I did.”
The refrain going through my mind was: I have nothing against your becoming a banker. Really I don’t. But aren’t you a tad young to be making practical career choices like that?
‘Then it’s okay that I go to school to become one of those people who count things … what did you call them?”
“Accountants.”
“Yes, them! I’ll become an accountant and maybe work for (name of the big SA bank),” she said.
“Of course it’s okay. As long as you are happy with your career choice and you make enoug money to live comfortably, I will be satisfied. Anyway, I hear (name of bank) pay very well. And they have a good pension plan, so everything should work out well for you.”
She was silent for a few minutes, thinking over my words.
“What is a pension plan?” she asked.
I don’t know what Baby will eventually do when she grows up. Maybe she will be banker, an artist, a doctor, lawyer, or a company CEO. It doesn’t really matter, as long as she’s satisfied with her choices.
My job as a parent is to provide her with as much information about possible career choices as possible.
I realised I have biases regarding what little girls like or dream of becoming.
Revised game plan for mom: provide exposure to as many career options as possible,so she can make informed career choices. Don’t assume you know what will interest her / not. No career too practical, technical or far-fetched. Let her rule out possibilities.
Who knows, she might find out that her passion lies in being a banker anyway. Wouldn’t that just boggle my mind!
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
First reader
Baby was looking for something to read, so I suggested that she read an in-progress novel that I’ve worked on and off on for the past five years.
It’s a fantasy novel about two girls who go swimming in the river, and something pulls them to the world underneath, where the ancestors live.
Anyway, they find out that they’d been brought there for a purpose – there is a problem only they can solve.
The story is a bit predictable in its adherence to quest-type lore, but it could be interesting handled in the right manner. Or so I thought.
However, Baby didn’t go beyond the prologue. Didn’t find the beginning gripping at all, and started rummaging through my collection of incomplete works looking for something else to read.
Her rejection of the story stung a bit, because I do think it has potential. But clearly, I still have a lot of work to do to make it interesting for my readers.
Maybe I should cut out the prologue and just jump into the action in chapter 1?
She did find another story – 10 days to make rain- which she found very fascinating.
She has asked that I please, please finish the story because she wants to know what happens next.
It’s official – I have a live-in first reader in my house.
It’s a fantasy novel about two girls who go swimming in the river, and something pulls them to the world underneath, where the ancestors live.
Anyway, they find out that they’d been brought there for a purpose – there is a problem only they can solve.
The story is a bit predictable in its adherence to quest-type lore, but it could be interesting handled in the right manner. Or so I thought.
However, Baby didn’t go beyond the prologue. Didn’t find the beginning gripping at all, and started rummaging through my collection of incomplete works looking for something else to read.
Her rejection of the story stung a bit, because I do think it has potential. But clearly, I still have a lot of work to do to make it interesting for my readers.
Maybe I should cut out the prologue and just jump into the action in chapter 1?
She did find another story – 10 days to make rain- which she found very fascinating.
She has asked that I please, please finish the story because she wants to know what happens next.
It’s official – I have a live-in first reader in my house.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Boys want to read about sports and adventure
My post today was going to about some of the strategies parents can employ to foster the love of reading in their children.
During my research on the Internet on the subject, I came across the Guys Read, a US –based literacy programme that fosters love of reading and helps boys find the kind of reading material they might like.
In school reading lists, "we're promoting such a narrow version of literacy that we're not including what a lot of boys like," Guys Read founder and children’s author Jon Scieszka said.
Too true! I have noticed that most of my writing is for the Barbie set, which when you think about it, is unlikely to interest boys looking for something to read.
It makes sense, because I’m mother to a little girl, and I’m inspired to write to entertain a girl. If I had a son, perhaps my experience would be different.
However, if I plan to be a successful children’s writer who is read by boys and girls for pleasure, I need to take into consideration the fact that boys want to read about different things; things like sports (soccer, rugby, wrestling, karate), action adventures when they can pretend to be the heroes.
We writers and creators of books need to produce something that can interest boys to the extent that they are willing to leave the video game, CD player or computer long enough to read a book.
If we don’t, boys will read only because they have to (for school purposes) and not for pleasure. And that would be such a pity.
During my research on the Internet on the subject, I came across the Guys Read, a US –based literacy programme that fosters love of reading and helps boys find the kind of reading material they might like.
In school reading lists, "we're promoting such a narrow version of literacy that we're not including what a lot of boys like," Guys Read founder and children’s author Jon Scieszka said.
Too true! I have noticed that most of my writing is for the Barbie set, which when you think about it, is unlikely to interest boys looking for something to read.
It makes sense, because I’m mother to a little girl, and I’m inspired to write to entertain a girl. If I had a son, perhaps my experience would be different.
However, if I plan to be a successful children’s writer who is read by boys and girls for pleasure, I need to take into consideration the fact that boys want to read about different things; things like sports (soccer, rugby, wrestling, karate), action adventures when they can pretend to be the heroes.
We writers and creators of books need to produce something that can interest boys to the extent that they are willing to leave the video game, CD player or computer long enough to read a book.
If we don’t, boys will read only because they have to (for school purposes) and not for pleasure. And that would be such a pity.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Voice of SA children’s writers muted on the Internet
Yesterday a friend of mine sent me a lead to a writing project by the SA Department of Arts and Culture. They are looking for someone to compile content for a book they intend to publish on outstanding works of literature by women.
I don’t think the project is something I can undertake considering the demands of my fulltime job as a journalist and my own projects as a children’s writer, but it got me thinking: I don’t know as much about South African writers and their works as I should.
For the purpose of this blog, I will restrict myself to children’s writers and literature, although the sentiment actually covers a broader spectrum of South African literature. (blame it on the fact that I was not an English Lit. major)
Anyway, I have always found the Internet to be a good start when I’m looking for people, contact details, buildings, anything really.
So I decided to start by Googling the most famous SA children’s writer I could think of(Gcina Mhlope ) and learn more about her titles. If I found something interesting, I would follow links to her publishers and get purchasing information, maybe even buy something for my daughter.
A number of entries came up from my google search, including a detailed Wikipedia entry, but I could not find Gcina’s web site or blog. After an hour of searching, using derivatives of her name, I gave up. Evidence was mounting that she did not have a web site.
I looked up other well-known writers – including Dianne Case, Dianne Hofmeyr, Jenny Robsonand Chris Van Wyk.
The bibliographies I did find - published by other institutions to promote a specific project they are involved with - did not always give synopses of their books and/ whether the books was still in print and/how one could purchase a copy.
Obviously, I could go to the bookshop and look for whatever is available, but I think writers can use technology to help parents become more knowledgeable about their books. They can build a communication channel with their readers and help make the decision to buy easier.
South Africa writers can also use technology to tell our stories to the rest of the world, so our legends and contemporary stories also become part of the Western bedtime story culture.
I don’t think the project is something I can undertake considering the demands of my fulltime job as a journalist and my own projects as a children’s writer, but it got me thinking: I don’t know as much about South African writers and their works as I should.
For the purpose of this blog, I will restrict myself to children’s writers and literature, although the sentiment actually covers a broader spectrum of South African literature. (blame it on the fact that I was not an English Lit. major)
Anyway, I have always found the Internet to be a good start when I’m looking for people, contact details, buildings, anything really.
So I decided to start by Googling the most famous SA children’s writer I could think of(Gcina Mhlope ) and learn more about her titles. If I found something interesting, I would follow links to her publishers and get purchasing information, maybe even buy something for my daughter.
A number of entries came up from my google search, including a detailed Wikipedia entry, but I could not find Gcina’s web site or blog. After an hour of searching, using derivatives of her name, I gave up. Evidence was mounting that she did not have a web site.
I looked up other well-known writers – including Dianne Case, Dianne Hofmeyr, Jenny Robsonand Chris Van Wyk.
The bibliographies I did find - published by other institutions to promote a specific project they are involved with - did not always give synopses of their books and/ whether the books was still in print and/how one could purchase a copy.
Obviously, I could go to the bookshop and look for whatever is available, but I think writers can use technology to help parents become more knowledgeable about their books. They can build a communication channel with their readers and help make the decision to buy easier.
South Africa writers can also use technology to tell our stories to the rest of the world, so our legends and contemporary stories also become part of the Western bedtime story culture.
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