Old Shopping Methods For A Modern Woman

My friend Ronny took me grocery shopping yesterday, and it was a different experience from how I normally do it. But then, we were going to his places, not my usual haunts (i.e we didn't go to the 2 malls that are within a kilometre from my house).

We actually went to the Jorbug CBD, and into funny looking shops and markets I didn't even know existed, and we got great bargains. For example, we bought enough rice, sugar and maize meal to last me until next year, I'm sure, a whole lamb ( ja, the whole animal cleaned and cutted) for about R500 and a box of eggs (15 dozen eggs inside) for R125.

Don't ask what I'm going to do with that many eggs. Lots of egg dishes are in my future (LOL), but I've already found them to also be a great gift for friends. Another friend came over to bring me a couple of bottles of herbal body lotions and I felt so much better being able to add eggs to my organic vegetable gift basket in appreciation. And ja, I am realising that I have inadvertently started bartering stuff with friends and neighbours, without us actually discussing it much. It's nice!

In terms of work, here are some discussions that I'm currently hosting. Please join them and share your views:

Kwanda - My friend Gaynor is talking about what the residents of Kensington are doing to make their suburb beautiful, and urging other communities to also work to beautify their communities.
ReadSA - What are you doing to promote reading in your community? If you're not doing anything yet, what do you want to do?
OneLove - If a man takes care of his family & makes sure that his wife and children have all their material needs met, then what he does outside of marriage is no one's concern. What do you think of this belief?

SA Youths Face Huge Risks From HIV Infection, Drug & Alcohol Use

I've just read several articles about how SA youths are at risk from HIV infection ( because of having multiple cconurrent partners & not using condoms) and from alcohol and drug use. To give you a clue, here are some highlights:

• 41% of learners had at least two sexual partners, 12% used alcohol or drugs before sex, and 13% had sex at the age of 14.
• A shocking 52% of learners had an abortion, 19% have been pregnant or made someone pregnant and only 31% used condoms during sex.
• A huge number of learners, 75% are smokers and 35% drink alcohol.

So today I'm talking about the issue on all my sites:

• Kwanda - I'm asking members to do something in their communities to help their own youths.
• Read SA - we're talking about how we can use books to effect social change and show young people the many options that are open to them, if only they knew how and where to look.
• OneLove- the focus is on what we can do to discourage young people from having multiple concurrent partners
• Phuza Wize - the focus is on what we can do to discourage young people from starting to drink at an early age

I'd also like to ask you to blog about these issues, with special focus on encourage our readers to do something in their own real life communities. Community action doesn't have to be big or time-consuming.

You can:

• Give a young person a book or bunch of magazines to read
• Listen when they try to tell you about events in their world
• Offer a Saturday gardening job
• Volunteer for an hour at the local community centre
• Give a talk at your local school about your work and the challenges and rewards you gain.

Read more about the research findings here:

Youth focus on HIV/AIDS
Cape teens are SA tearaways
Campaigns make youth wary of sex

Blessings: Female2Female Blog Challenge

I'm blessed with:
* Good friends
* Good neighbours who care about me and check on a regular basis
* Family that loves me
* A good job that I can do in the environment of my choice
* Professional and yet kind client
* Two big fat chow dogs
* A lovely, talented niece whom I love to bits
* A very loving mother, who hides very strong feelings under a prickly exterior
* Siblings I love and get along with
* Lots of books and DVDs for fun
* A nice yard to hang out with friends, garden and run from the dogs

I am blessed.

Gratitute & Things That Go Right

Lunch with my friend yesterday was very good. It reminded me that I still have many good things in my life; things that I am grateful for. It's improving my perspective.
Thanks, Neo!

And while you're visiting me, here are some of the things that you could do:

• Read Ben Williams' report on the "Not London Book Fair. It was a spectacular event, a perfectly-tossed last-minute literary salad with readings, panel discussions, the filming of a special message for the London Book Fair, and much more, he says.

• Talk to me - I'm talking about books on Read SA, sex for money OneLove, and the possibilities of what we could do with a team of 10 volunteers, on Kwanda.
• Watch some of the music videos I uploaded on YouTube.
• Leave a message- tell me about the one thing you're grateful for, this week.

Step By Step

So, today I'm taking some baby steps to make some much-needed changes in my life:
1. Actually going to start going through emails. If you've been waiting to hear from me, I'll be in touch soon.
2. Have a working lunch with a friend today. We're going to sit in her office, eat a bagged lunch, do our separate work and just hang out. Scheduling more working lunches, where I just hang out with friends and work while they also take care of business. Gets me out of the house.
3. Cutting my hair again. I always feel refreshed after doing it.

I'm still just keeping up with updating sites, but not doing any new work. Gah!

BTW, check out Po's latest post, where she talks about her book communities. Very useful info for book lovers.

It's NOT My Birthday. Really!

Two friends, who have never met independently decided to surprise me with gifts. One of them bought me an old teapot and brought it over. The pot is lovely. It's not an antique - just a lovely old china that has probably been used to serve tea for years, and will continue to do so in my own home.

The other friend brought me bolts of different fabric. No, I don't sew. I'm actually terrible at even mending things, but Baby's paternal grandma is a great seamstress and my friend reckons that she could make me a couple of really nice dresses and tops.

The gifts brightened my day considerably, especially as I've been very depressed since Baby left. They also made me realise that I must look very bad, if friends are beginning to feel compelled to bring gifts to cheer me up.

In terms of work-related issues, I was completely shocked when I read that Malawi plans to outlaw polygamy. I never thought that any one of the African leaders would get the guts to draw up a law that outlaws polygamy, as we Africans tend to defend the practice so passionately, as if it's the only cultural practice we have. But then, every so often life does suprise me. When I was at university, I was convinced that apartheid would not end during my lifetime, and Nelson Mandela would die in jail. Yet, he was released, and apartheid ended long before I even turned 30. Once again, I'm so glad to be proven wrong!

As for my productivity, I'm doing what I can and ignoring the bulk of the work that I know needs to be done:-(.

I'm probably ticking off a number of people, and if I could find it in my heart to care, I would. But i'm just numb. I was beginning to heal from the trauma in November when Baby left ( or so I thought) but having her come stay with me brought it all back again; now it feels like I pulled the scab off a wound that hadn't healed yet. And it's bleeding all over again. But, I don't regret that she came, and the time we spent together.

Moving on

Anyhoo, I've decided to make major changes in my life. I don't think it's healthy that I still try to live the life I used to, when I was mother to Baby. So change is definitely in order.

I considered selling the house and renting a flat for a while, mostly because my house was geared to being a home to raise a girl and it shows. I was even thinking of taking a friend up on an invitation to come stay indefinitely(outside Johannesburg). I work from home, so my work can be done anywhere. But I decided I like it here, in this house and my neighbourhood and the community; and the changes I make will have to work around my location.

What's Your Community Like?

What is it like where you live? Is it a cluster of houses, where people live, until they can move out somewehere else? Or is it a community, with a history and people who make an effort to work together to improve their lives and build a legacy for their children?

My friend Gaynor manages the Facebook page of the Kensington Residents Association, so while I've occassionally checked the page to see what's going on. But I hadn't realised the amount of chatter that goes on online while we're all working ((grin))

Check out this page to learn more about my world - the history, current happenings and the very talented people who make up this old Johannesburg suburb a community. [ Kensington resident Jean Collen sent the pic above to be published on the community Facebook page. The pic was taken outside Rhodes Park in 1963.]

I also suggest that you and some members of your community band together to start a Facebook page for your community if it's possible. Having this page has really been worthwhile for us, as it helps us meet people in our own physical community, to help and support each other, raise issues of community concern and even share a laugh or two. And real life events have come out of these meetings too.

With regard to work, here are some of the discussions I'm currently hosting:

Kwanda - Tell us about the community you want to improve.

OneLove web site: What would you do if you fell in love with someone else while currently in a committed relationship?

OneLove Facebook - In your view, what is the most effective method to prevent HIV infection?

Love Stories - Did you watch "When The Music Stops" last night? What did you learn/take from the short film?

Read SA - How do we persuade all those expats in the UK to read South African writing? Hold a mass sit-in in Wimbledon? Any ideas? (Some PR would be nice, too.)

Don't forget to mail books to Andrew Davids, the gentleman I blogged about some time back, who was requesting books for his community. And if possible, please blog about this request too?

Send the books to
Andrew Davids
1 Bo- Street
Zoar, Ladismith(WCP)
6656
Email Andrew at davids@hilbert.co.za

I Benefited From Apartheid – Did You? By Sally Cameron

I was touched by Sally Cameron's post, "I benefited from Apartheid - Did You?"

Sally says: "There are a few responses one can have as a white South African. You can deny that you had any part in it, you can say you did your bit. I was still at school, but did any of us do enough? You can be guilty, but let’s be honest, guilt helps no-one and is immobilizing. You wallow in it and yet nothing changes. People are scared and worried about the future, those with kids worry about their future too, but I believe that our response has to be: To take ownership of how we benefited, regardless of fault, and give back."

Read the full post and please, leave a comment on Sally's post.

P.S. The school holidays are over and Baby has gone back. Writing is going extremely slow.

Changing Jamie By Dakota Chase

I've just finished reading Changing Jamie by Dakota Chase, and it's a sweet, coming of age/coming out story that I think many teenagers should read.

The ebook tells the story a teenaged boy who has come to the realisation that he's gay and comes out to his mother, school and falls in love with Dylan, a popular athlete at their school. Dylan does not fit in the stereotype of brainless jock, so the boy's road to finding each other and coming has no major dramas.

The story arc that interested me, and inspired me to blog about the book, is the story of Billy, Jamie's best friend who is openly gay and dates older men. It later emerges that Billy is a bugchaser - i.e. someone who knowingly and act actively tries to get infected with HIV. I'd never heard of the word bug-chaser before; even though I've been writing about HIV infection and prevention for years. I guess we never stop learning hey?

If you want to learn more about bugchasers, click here.
Buy the ebook on Amazon

P.S. If you have a teenaged child/nephew/niece/child of friend, get this ebook for him/her, even if he/she is heterosexual. It's a good book, gives lots of useful info about HIV and prevention without being preachy.

But, if you're looking for a book that gives strong insight into the worst that can happen when a gay child attempts to come out/family unwittingly finds out that their child is gay, read Hate by Martin Clement.

Hate is the story of an 11 year old boy who kissed his best friend. Five years later, he and his family are now trying to deal with the emotional devastation from that day.

Parts of the book made me cry, so keep some tissues handy. And nope, I've never met these authors and they are not paying me to say nice things about their books. They don't even know I'm writing about them:-).

Anyhoo, here are some links to online dialogues I'm currently engaged in:

READ SA - I asked authors writing in SA's other official languages to introduce themselves and their published works.
Love - stories in a time of HIV & AIDS - For those of you who watched Monna oa Motsamai, what did you think of the film?
Kwanda - Tell us about your cause. What do you want to do to help your community? What makes you choose this particular cause?
OneLove - Your partner, who you thought was with you exclusively, tells you he made someone else pregnant / your girlfriend tells you she's pregnant and that you're not the father. What would you do/say?

Request For You To Donate Books To A Poor Community

Andrew Davis has written to me via READ SA, asking us to donate books to the community of Zoar. Basically, if you'd like to participate, you can choose a book that you want to donate, and mail it to the physical address he has provided. As a blogger, you can also help by re-publishing Andrew's letter below, which outlines the community of Zoar and its reading needs:

The community of Zoar is a very poor Afrikaans rural community situated approximately eighty kilometres from Oudtshoorn in a village.

The community struggles against poverty, illiteracy and unemployment as the majority of them are seasonal workers on the surrounding fruit farms.

The people have very limited resources to expand their world. And because of the limited resources and lack of money they are caught up in an awful social reality, where you get alcohol abuse, teenage pregnancies and high levels of crime.

READ SA forms part of a bigger community, and therefore it is our social responsibility to equip these people with certain skills and knowlegde useful for the challenges of society.

I firmly believe that having access to the wonderful world of books will contribute to their development and the transformation in thought.

I therefore ask you humbly to help these people by giving them books to read. Having mention all these things, I have to inform you that there is a small library, but with very limited books.

Will you please help us , so that we can start by exposing people to a world of books, especially non-fiction,spiritual,refe

rence books, psychology,motivational books,etc

Post books to:

Andrew Davids
1 Bo- Street
Zoar, Ladismith(WCP)
6656
Email: davids@hilbert.co.za

What Would You Do?

Baby is still visiting me for her school holidays. She's had a number of friends visiting/sleeping over since the beginning of the week, so the house is busy, noisy, not as tidy as usual. Love it!

This morning I woke up feeling chatty, so I started a number of discussions on groups I manage. Feel free to join in any of the discussions by clicking on the hyperlinked text:

1. OneLove - If you felt tempted to "cheat" on your partner, what would you do to stop yourself?
2. READ SA -Suppose someone you care about ( friend/family/colleague) gave you a book that they LOVED and recommend highly. You tried to read it but you couldn't get into it/you disliked it/the subject matter does not apply to you.
3. Love- Stories in a time of HIV & AIDS - Do You Have To Sleep With Someone If They Buy You Presents?
4. Kwanda -Do you volunteer in your community? Why? What do you do to improve your community?
5. Phuza Wize -Does alcohol-related violence happen in your community? What is your community doing about it? What are you doing about it?

Fair Game

Today I learnt that when you establish an online presence and people begin to notice you, you also attract a number of critics, even personal attacks. Today, one of the readers on a page I manage went to my personal Facebook page and criticised me quite heavily for something that he thinks I didn't do. I had several options:

1. Delete his messages
2. Ignore him
3. State my case
4. Fight back

I'd like to think that I chose with wisdom by stating my case, but even now, I'm still not sure. My friend Gaynor, who also manages a Facebook group, says she deleted the critic's post when she had to deal with a similar situation. But I felt that deleting his message would be like closing the barn after the horse escaped, because who knows how many people read his post before I saw it? Also, deleting the message made me feel like a victim and for me, I didn't like the feeling.

What do you think? How would you/do you deal with personal attacks?

Update: Today, I also learnt the value of a heart-felt apology. The critic above wrote me directly to say that he is sorry, acknowledged that his behaviour was rude and uncalled for. It made me feel better about the situation, so I'm going to delete his message.